Today as the snow fell I sat watching it and wondering who I could interview this week. Then my son Christian hit me with a snowball and I knew. I had to interview Snow White. So without further ado here's everyone's favorite beautiful girl.
Snow White: It's a sad story. My mother wished for a daughter with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hair as black as ebony. Soon after I was born, but my mother died. My father married another woman.
Greg: Oh, that is sad. I hope your new stepmother wound up being nice.
Snow White: Yeah, not so much. You see what no one knew was that she was sort of vain, jealous and, well, evil. She had this magic mirror which could have been cool if she had used it for niceness, but she just used it to feed her ego.
Greg: Really, how?
Snow White: She kept asking who the fairest in the land was. The mirror kept telling her that she was the fairest. Boy, what an enabler. It was true, the mirror could not lie, but still. Anyway, one day when she asked--and that's another thing, she asked it every day, how insecure--the mirror said she was no longer the fairest in the land. Instead it said I was.
Greg: I take it that was not a good thing.
Snow White: You've got that right. Most women would get upset and then go and get some plastic surgery, you know, a little nip and tuck. Not my stepmother. I had to get stuck with a real psycho. Do you know what she did?
Greg: Well, I've heard rumors, nothing definite, that she tried to get rid of you.
Snow White: If by getting rid of me you mean having me killed and having my murderer return with my lungs and my liver you're right.
Greg: That's really harsh, but you're standing here so I guess that means she changed her mind and opted for surgery.
Snow White: She did not. The huntsman felt sorry for me and brought back the lungs and liver of a boar, which was bad luck for the boar but good luck for me. I ran into the woods. I wanted to get as far away as I could from my stepmother.
Greg: Were you able to get away?
Snow White: For a time. I met some dwarves--seven actually--and was able to stay with them. I'm embarrassed to say that I pulled a bit of a Goldilocks by eating their food, drinking their wine and falling asleep in one of their beds. I did make up for that by helping them cook and clean. They're such dear men.
Greg: But I'm guessing it did not last.
Snow White: It didn't. Of course my stepmother discovered that she had been tricked the next day when she asked her mirror who was the fairest. Of course the mirror had to tell the truth and said I was. I was told later that she had a real fit--killed a number of servants just for spite.
Greg: So she came looking for you.
Snow White: In disguise. She tried a coupe of times, but it was the poisoned apple that finally got me. I do so love fruit and the apple looked so good. All it took was one bite. I should have had a donut.
Greg: So what happened, the poison didn't take?
Snow White: Oh it took. The dwarves put me in a glass coffin. My stepmother danced with glee.
Greg: That's bad form.
Snow White: No lie.
Greg: So how did you revive?
Snow White: Luckily, a prince was passing through the forest and he came upon me lying in my coffin. He asked to have my body and when his servants moved it, the piece of apple was dislodged from my throat and I awoke. We were married and lived happily ever after.
Greg: And what happened to your stepmother?
Snow White: Do you want the truth or the Disney version?
Greg: The truth.
Snow White: As punishment for trying to kill me her feet were placed in red hot iron shoes and she was forced to dance in them until she danced herself to death.
Greg: Hmmm, I should have asked for the Disney version. Anyway, thank you very much for taking the time to chat with us it was very enlightening.